Hey Fat Girl You're Beautiful!!! (Poem)

Here's a little sumptin sumptin that was on my heart.....


Hey black girl you beautiful!  And don't let no one tell you different!  Hell I know a bunch of women bigger than this with men lined up to pay their rent.

Because It's not about the size of your pants but the size of your heart and the size of your personality.... Look we can't help it! We demand attention when we walk in the room our personality is so big we need room to hold it all!

God spent extra time on you...  "Let me see... I'm not through with you yet.  I'm not ready to put you down,  let me add a little more thighs let me round off those hips and round off that butt and round off that belly"...  In his eyes that was good... And he says "let me make you extra special by adding those wings to your arms so you can fly to me."  Those skinny girls will envy you! Cause think when the rapture comes you're already equipped.


Yeah, this blog is about my weightloss journey but its not because I am unhappy with my self!   My family has a looooong history of fat people problems-diabetes(or the sugar) congestive heart failure, high blood pressure and the elusive Gout or what my mom likes to say- the rich mans disease.  (Make face) but u ain't rich. Anyway....

Ain't no body got time to be taking pills all day everyday to treat a curable disease.  It makes me think about when I was in high school - what you call getting read/ somebody reading you- we called it getting treated.   So look, being the fat girl you already getting "treated" by douche bag men who don't appreciate your curves.  He's not aware that we are an acquired taste or notice the rarity of your fabulousness!!    Society "treats" you every time you turn on your tv, open a magazine, or walk into a gym looking at women say how "hot" they are because they're skinny ( lol I love that commercial).  So I damn sho don't need a Doctor to be treating me either.  Y'all can keep that!

So forget about that ol more pushin for the cushion mess!  We're just more to love period!  Those skinny girls got all those joints and bones sticking out -Who wants to sleep with a bed full of butter knives anyway?? Okay!!  You're beautiful fat girl in ALL YOUR GLORY!

So yeah I get pissed off when I can't find nothing on the clearance rack!  I can't put together an outfit for $7 like the size 2 girls cause clearly there's only like two of y'all in each city.  But that don't mean I hate myself because of it.  It's just clothes!  Yeah U gotta pay a little more for yours and u gotta go to a different store to get yours but look at it this way... When u go out, don't nobody look like u!  You the only chick in the club with an outfit that didn't come from Dots, F21, Wet Seal or Target!!

So as soon as you realize that it's not about your dress size and as soon as you accept  that it all begins with you then at that point you find out that its all about you!
So go and be beautiful fat girl because You love You!

To Infinity and Beyond.........FACE!!!!

I SURVIVED THANKSGIVING!!!!

Hey guys!

Ok, first let me say that becoming a blogger makes u really aware of time.   I swear I thought I just did a post last Sunday.  These weeks are flying by!!  My bad.  I'm really trying to stay consistent but I swear it seems like I go to sleep on a Monday and wake up and it's Sunday again.  Smh.... But anyway, I SURVIVED THANKSGIVING!!!

But before I go into my thanksgiving weekend let me tell you about last week.   Oh.  My.  Gawd. Becky. Chipotle done showed out!  Ok I was on some lazy mess last Wednesday after work and called my self going to Chipotle to order rice - just rice - cause I had a tofu stir fry I wanted to finish off and I didn't feel like boiling more rice. I know, lazy.  Anyway, I walk into the restaurant and normally, there was a line.  So as I stood in line waiting, I noticed that their signs were different.  I also noticed there was a small sign on the food window ahead of me that was talking about something new they were serving.  And in true "people are always in the way" fashion, the people in front of me was making it impossible for me to read the sign.  But, in true "Infinityface is a nut" fashion, it took me to get all the way to where it's my turn to notice that the same sign on the food window was high up on the wall along with the rest of the menu!  (Insert side eye here).  Chipotle is now serving spicy braised tofu called Sofritas as a meat substitute.  The worker behind the glass let me sample some of the Sofritas; Oh my goodness it is sooooooo good!  Mmmmm mmmm mmmm. My intentions were to walk of there with rice- I did!  But I also left out of there with Sofritas, salsa, corn salsa, guacamole, lettuce and lemon wedges on top on my rice!  Lol.  So yeah, ummmmm..... That stir fry got the back seat that night!

I started blogging on 10/26. It is now 11/30 and I have to say that things are getting better for me and some changes I made are becoming part of the norm for me.  As far as being vegan, honestly I don't really notice any difference as far as physically or mentally yet. Well, ok so as of September 23 I had
a picture in my phone of me on a scale and it said I weighed 226.  As of  November 20 I weigh in at
209!!!!  (Insert a round of applause).  So in two months I somehow lost 17 pounds.  But I don't notice any difference. I must say that I shed a few tears when I saw 209 on my scale cause I haven't seen that number since the birth of my son in 2005.  Pre pregnancy I was weighing in at 175.   I guess I didn't notice cause when I decided to become vegan, it wasn't necessarily to lose weight. It was to become a better me. It is because I refuse to take maintenance medications if I can help it.  I'm done with looking to my scale for gratification.  I also probably didn't notice the weight loss due to the fact that, like I said, I'm kinda lazy so my style is.... Let's call it lazy chic.  I live in compression leggings, tunics, cardigans and scarves.  I also live in workout clothes. So yes, I stay in elastic!

Those daily meditations/affirmations  have also become part of my morning routine.  What I have started doing is when my alarm goes off in the morning, i snooze it and then go to my phone (which is already in my bed under the covers somewhere with the earphones connected) and my YouTube  vid is already up. So I just plug in my earbuds and push play and go halfway back to sleep until I
snooze 7 more times before I get up.  I must say that I've noticed that I speak more positive and I
have high hopes and determination for me and friends I'm close with.  I've always been a cheerleader for my loved ones but I'm like extra with it now.   BUT! I will say this.....  I've been super excited about finally becoming a vegan that I expressed my joy to friends and co workers and they all tried to say something negative about my choice.  "I mean u can still be healthy and eat meat in smaller portions", "girl, I don't know how you do it cause I need meat!" " ugh.... But how do you get your protein?"  " how about fish? No cheese? Or no milk??"  " girl you need to stop playing!  Talk to me about that in a year, You're still new to it." "Ugh what is that?"   I mean the reactions I was getting from these people were equivalent to me saying I ate my first born.  I even had to "read" my co workers during a potluck because I asked if there was butter in the sweet potatoes.  "Aw c'mon Deirdre!  Really?  Butter?  You're being petty!" BITCH BYE!!  First of all, do I turn my nose at your eating choices?  Am I all in your face -while you're eating- telling you that the animal you just ate used to burp, fart, doo doo and pee?  Like, you are eating something that shitted. ( insert confused
black girl meme here).     So to woo saa on my counterparts I no longer express my lifestyle changes as that can be discouraging to have to defend my choices constantly.  Sigh, let me see if there is a "Ya
 Trick Ya" affirmation I can begin listening to.

Ok, I finally worked out!   I went on and did the Yoga Meltdown by Jillian Michaels.  I really like this DVD.  The number one reason why I like this workout is because I am top heavy and it hurts to bounce around and get knocked in the chin by my breasts.  I mean I sweat really hard doing this cardio workout and I literally never bounced!  Sure some of the positions are a little hard to get into but I'm sure it will become easier over time with me becoming more flexible.  There were a lot of body weight positions I had to hold and repetitions. I REALLY REALLY like this workout.  My goal is to do it everyday for a week to see if I lose 5 pounds like the cover claims.  I keep looking at my Insanity videos making  life or death decisions on whether or not ill do it.  Shoot, I have asthma and big breasts!  I won't be able to breath and I'll have a bruised chin! Lol.  Nuh uh, too much bouncing.


Thanksgiving has come and gone and I survived.  You know, I can actually say that surprisingly my family was really supportive of my decisions to be vegan.  I never had to go on the defense with them. Although they didn't make anything special, one of my sisters didn't cook her greens with meat or meat broth, and she left a small portion of her dressing with no chicken in it. But  what I did do
was eat before I met up with the family.  That's all!   I guess because in my family, thanksgiving dinner has been the exact same since before I was born.  Turkey, ham, duck, Pot Roast, dressing, Mac and cheese, sweet potatoes, greens and assorted pies.  I've had them every year of 30 years, it was easy to say no.  Now, I ain't gone lie, if they switched it up and did..... Seafood, for thanksgiving.... Oh boy, I may have folded and gave in.  I can imagine the whole time I would eat the crab leg out my gumbo with a side of shrimp  and be thinking to myself  "girl you know you gone have to take some Smooth Move before bed and try this vegan thing later!  Lol

I also want to let you guys know that there is another part of reading that I have been doing.  Honestly I haven't been reading those self help books. I made it to like the 5th chapter if The Rules and I bought that Kimora book years ago and I am one of those readers where once I've read it, I can't really read it again.  I have come to realize that I don't need those books.  If you don't like me, Fuck You!   But what I have been reading are books to continue my education on black history.  I've become more conscience about things.  What made me really take a look at myself  is when my son began to go to a predominately white school and I became aware that he won't be taught the whole truth about history and his history.    So I then made to choice to continue to read and research so I can elaborate on the education my son is getting at school. I need him to know that there are other heroes besides The Great Martin Luther The King (yes I did spell his name like that).  It dawned on me that my baby, whose currently in the 4th grade, will have a harder life ahead of him than his classmates purely because he is black.  So as a mother, it is my job and duty to ensure he knows more than he is taught at school. Besides, as a parent it would be foolish of me to rely solely on the school district to teach my son.  So over this past month my son and I have watched Hidden Colors and Hidden Colors2.  I read From Babylon to Timbuktu and I am now finishing up a book that was given to me by one of my clients called Ebony pictorial history of Black History vol2 reconstruction to Supreme Court Decision 1954.   Last night I ordered the Isis Papers on Amazon.  I can't wait until it
gets here.  I really look forward to reading it.  What I have also ordered is The Art of War on Audible where I listen to it on my way to and from work.  I like Audible only for books that I keep hearing are good reads but I know I'll never pick up the book.  So I can now say Im familiar with The Art of War and how to apply those military tactics to my life.   Hell, maybe instead of The Rules, I can apply the tactics I learned from Art of War to my dating life.



Alright guys, I'm done til next time.  Thanks for coming to see me I really appreciate you!  Hey,  if you have the time click the like button or drop me a comment so I can place a name to a view!

To Infinity and Beyoooond........FACE!!!!

Two weeks in.... Not bad, not bad at all

Infinityface here coming back for another post.

I completely missed a week but I am back!  I am two weeks in with my decision on going vegan, and I said it before and I'll say it again, it's not as hard as I thought it would be!!!  But from this day on I guess you can call me the "Cheap Vegan"!  I have been on two shopping trips to Whole Foods and I even checked out Trader Joes and I haven't spent as nearly as I thought I would. I have friends that are vegan and they told me that they have about 500 dollars set aside for their grocery bill!!  Wait.... What?  He'll no!  My bill has been $265 for the month!  Let me be honest with myself, 265 dollars a month for groceries is more than I usually budget for because I was a junk food junkie.   I was convinced that I was too busy to prepare meals at home because there wasn't enough time in the day.  So my out food budget was about ummmmm..... Another $300!! (Cringe) don't judge me.  So I guess I can't be to blown away by my friends budget cause I was spending the same amount.  BUT!  I no longer eat out- per se and I made whole meals for these past few weeks and I'm spending less than ever!  Ok let's break this down:

My first shopping bill at Whole Foods was $105 but if u take away the protein powder-$22, the virgin olive oil-$12 and the African Black soap-$7 I'm left with a $64 grocery bill that lasted two weeks! I bought spaghetti sauce, spaghetti, 2 bags of meatless crumble, tofu sour cream, tofu shredded cheese, bag of potatoes, mushrooms, carrots, bulk of red beans, onions, green peppers, almond milk, vegan butter, non dairy yogurt, 2 vegetable broths, 2 avocados and corn tortillas.  With that I made smothered potatoes (sometimes with a side of tofu cheese and sour cream), spaghetti with meaty meatless spaghetti sauce, and I made tacos!  I made enough to last for a bit.  I also spent another 30 dollars on fruit, oatmeal and ground flax seeds at the local grocery store.  I have a friends from Ghana and Senegal and two weeks ago my friend from Ghana made me a stew they call Tomato stew. Usually they add goat meat or beef to the stew but my friend made mine meatless.  The ingredients and seasonings are all natural and no meat by product that I know of was used.  Man, man, man....
Tomato stew is soooooo good when eaten over rice.  So all that came up to $104 of grocery or food
that I've eaten for the last two weeks.

This weekend I went shopping again and spent a total of  $150 for the next two weeks at Whole Foods and Trader Joes!  Now, this week I admit that I was being super lazy and thought about simple meals to prepare.  I discovered some very tasty delicious cereal  that are gluten free-and some that are not gluten free but organic-that taste very good with my almond milk.  So I bought 2 boxes of Cascadian Farm organic honey nut O's and a box of  Natures Path Sunrise Crunchy Maple, almond milk, 2 vegan lemon tarts, bag of jasmine rice, organic raw blue agave, soy ginger sauce, gluten free hot oatmeal, 1bean and rice burrito (to try) and 3 large bottles of coconut water at Whole Foods. This came to $75.
I actually went to Trader Joes first because I never been there before either.  I was hoping I would have the same magical experience I had going to Whole Foods for the first time - I didn't.  To start, I picked the wrong day to go as there was high traffic in the area where Trader Joes was because a
liquor store opened up next to the store!  I think it's a Trader Joes type liquor store but still... Really?  All this traffic for liquor?  I guess.  Anyways, as soon as I walked in Trader Joes immediately I noticed that it was smaller than Whole Foods.   It's funny because compared to the big named grocery stores, I thought Whole Foods was tight. But small is an understatement on the square footage of Trader Joes.  But... Ok! No big deal.  I was relieved that there wasn't a lot of people in the store based on the fiasco in their parking lot.  So, at Trader Joes I bought 3 types of pre cut fruit, 2 bags of fresh veggies, organic hummus, super spinach salad,  stir fry veggies, and marinated tofu. Honestly, there wasn't really much else.  I was considering getting almond butter but the price of it said "nahhh.... Peanut butter is the dopest!" Lol!  So I spent a total of $55

I don't know if I was half distracted cause I was on the phone while shopping, but I wasn't really seeing anything that fit my needs at Traders.  I'm a little bummed because I hear so many positive things about Trader Joes and I had high hopes for this store, but Whole Foods stole my heart.  I can say that Traders is a little bit cheaper than WF and I can pick up a 2buck chuck in the same trip! I will try them again though, give them a second chance.

I also received some more African dishes from my friends so i also have more Tomato stew and my
friends from Liberia hooked me up on some peanut butter soup!  So I'll be eating on that for a few days!  I looooove African dishes!  They are so tasty and well seasoned with all types of peppers and spices.  I'm soooo sorry I don't have pictures so you can visualize the scrumptiousness of he meals that I've been eating.  I'm still new this blogging thing and I haven't figured out how to do that yet.

Ok so fitness. Uh, yeah. Ummm..... Ok see, what had happened was I live in Minneapolis and winter has begun here about a month early so needless to say, I can't get out of bed.  Now, because it's hard to get out of bed, I don't be having the time to be packing clothes for the gym AND lunch because I wait till the last minute to get up.  However I did pull my DVDs out and placed them next to the tv annnnd I spoke to my personal trainer to get a schedule set up for us to begin.   I'm really excited as my trainer trained me for about 6 months and he did one hell of a job on my body!  However, it's
been about a year since we trained together needless to say, my pythons are GONE! My back fat that was going away now waves at me when I look at them in the mirror and the zippers on my knee high boots are screaming.  I didn't let myself completely go in the year but there is definitely a before, after and after after.  I promise that I would have completed at least one workout by next Sunday.  Cross my heart.  Ugh, I actually dread my first workout.

I have been keeping up with the positive affirmations with Pinch Me Living. I actually like it! It does keep me positive and I do get this renewed feeling of self accomplishment and motivation to do and be better.  I've also programmed alerts in my phone calendar to send me reminders to pray.  I try to get in about 5 prayers a day.  In these past two weeks I've also completed the book Art of War by Sun Tzu.  I kept hearing about this book and how people say they live by the war tactics and apply it to real life.  I think I need to read it again though, possibly study it cause I didn't quite see how it can be applied to my own life -yet.

Now, as far as my appearance, I am struggling honey.  Now I did buy some new organic soaps and the organic coconut oil for my skin and hair.   I then pulled out old natural fragrance oils to use.  I can say im proud of myself that I'm actually getting dressed one step above what I normally do. But this cold is making me want to just throw on anything and head out the door.  I did go to MAC and pick up some natural mineralized skin finish, love joy blush and verve lipstick as my everyday face.  So...... Maybe I'm doing better than I thought.  But I know I can do better.

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  Lol.  Again my apologies for not having any pictures.  I'll figure that out later. I also apologize for being a week behind.  I will also try my best to upload a vlog but I'm having problems finding a good area to film. Don't nobody wanna wanna see a chewed up video so I'm taking my time to figure this stuff out so I can get a vid I'm fine with.


To Infinity and beyooooooood.....Face!!!!!

Sayonara McDonalds, I's Vegan Nah!!

To Infinity and beyoooond.......FACE!


So it is Sunday night and I have official been one week in on my new journey.   I've started meditating, I've been to Ulta, I've dusted off old workout DVDs, and as of today I've been on my first Whole Foods shopping trip!

Now I must make sure that I add that I haven't started the actual vegan eating and I haven't actually started working out -Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I promise.   You know, you gotta ease into this.....

As I stated, today was my first shopping trip at Whole Foods and I must say I was intrigued by the atmosphere there.  The very first thing i noticed about this store is that it is compact.  There really wasn't a lot of cart room to navigate.  But at the same time the people you were literally rubbing shoulders with were extremely friendly.  One lady helped me when I was super lost at how to buy my beans in bulk.  She showed me where the paper and plastic bags where to hold my beans and showed me the pen where I write down the PLU number on the bag so the cashier can ring  me up correctly.
After walking around the store in awe for about 15 minutes, this guy named Jaime doing demos showed me pretty much everything I was looking for a suggested much more!  Girl, let me tell you....  Going vegan ain't gone be as hard as I thought!  There are soooo many substitutes for all my favorite meals!  So I bought all the things I needed for spaghetti, tacos, red beans and rice, and smothered potatoes.  

My plan is to start off small and work my way into veganism and make meals to last for about two weeks of meal planning.  One of the misconceptions i personally had about being a vegan that stalled me from converting was the fact that I would be in the kitchen for hours to make meals!  So far that theory is NOT TRUE!  I made meaty meatless spaghetti in under 30 minutes (YouTube vlog to


come). So I'll eat on spaghetti for a few days.  I even bought all the things i needed for tacos!!!  I got meatless ground beef, corn tortillas, tofu like sour cream and tofu like shredded cheese!  Like for real though??  Tacos?  Yup!
Another misconception I also had about being vegan and by the Instagram posts is that once I walked into Whole Foods I'll walk out with a loaf of bread and yogurt for $700! Totally not true!  Now I will say this.... I ain't buying no fruits there!  Nuh uh!  But I did get all i needed for about $65. Now my bill did come out to be $106 and some change but that is because I got some one time big ticket items like protein that was $21.99, coconut oil that was 7.99, and African black soap shampoo that was 8.99 (my mama was gonna cook my food for me and do my hair and I forgot my shampoo at home).  Then I went to Cub Foods for my fruit.  So I must say about $120 every two weeks in groceries is suffice.
Man I can't wait to let you know how my first week will go!  I'm super excited about this.  Slowly but surely I'll expand my palette.  This has been a long time coming..



I totally forgot that I purchased INSANITY about 4 years ago!  Girl it's time to push these tables to the side hunty!  Another DVD I blew dust off of that I actually really liked was Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown.  My plan is to do the yoga in the morning because here in Minneapolis it's getting a bit nippy and I'm not yet dedicated to my fitness like that to look forward to freezing my ass off outside. NOPE!  Then Ill do Insanity when I get home after work.  I do have a gym at my place of work and I'm thinking that if I miss my morning or if I know I'm not gonna do my night workout ill jump on the treadmill there.  This is my primary worry... I don't like working out.  Ugh!  I loathe the thought that I have to wake up earlier than I have to Just to workout.  Hell, That's why I got dreads!  Like, who really likes getting up early to do hair and exercise? Who does that??  Damn!  Y'all pray for me.

Ok, so as far as meditating, I really don't know what I am doing.  I'm just trying some stuff.  I know
you are supposed to sit with your legs crossed and hands resting on your knees palms facing up.  I
also know that you have to keep your body relaxed as possible and try to clear your mind.  I was  strolling through YouTube and discovered a meditation channel named Pinch Me Living.  This
channel has different affirmations you listen to while you meditate so that it goes into your self
conscience.  I've begun listening to these  affirmations, primarily 400+ Powerfully Positive Affirmations.  As I listen tho, I find myself drifting off to other things.  I'm not sure if I'm supposed to focus on what is being said or not but I kinda get distracted by the lady speaking.  I'm not sure of her accent but she pronounces all her "e's" long vowel. It's weird cause as I'm listening I have to decipher what she is actually saying.  For example, she will say something like "I am the best at everything I do".  But it sounds like: I am the beast at eevrything I do.  But yeah, I listen to her affirmations daily. I try to, anyway... Per her suggestion I will listen for the next 30 days to see how that turns out.  I say my own prayers to my Lord Jesus Christ to stay focused while listening because if I just sit there my mind will be all over the place and I won't stay focused.  However, I get a little iffy because i sometimes get these images in my head of church mothers throwing bibles at my head and body
slamming me on the altar!  Lol!  Mama noooooo.....

It's all about finding the balance.  I truly believe that my inner peace comes solely from The Lord.  The Bible even tells me that  He will give me peace that surpasses all understanding. So my
meditations are combined with prayer.  But I can say that I like that I am working towards staying, acting, thinking and speaking positive with the affirmations I listen to daily.

So on Friday I visited Ulta.  I stocked up on some things i needed and I bought some things I wanted to try.  I bought a face mask by Freeman called Golden Brightening Mask that hydrates and brightens.  I'm excited about using it.  I also bought African Black Soap body wash and Shea Butter soap by Shea Moisture. On my outing to Whole Foods I also bought coconut oil for my body and hair.    As a woman who is a self proclaimed "girly-girl" I am embarrassed to confess that I get overwhelmed in stores like Sephora and Ulta.  There is soooooo much stuff that I want there!!!  Oh my Gaaawd. Who told them to put all this stuff in one store??
I seriously get overwhelmed. My thinking when I stand outside of Ulta is "girl, you are here to get this and that cause (insert fav YouTube vlogger here) says it's pretty good and it looks great on her!"  But as soon as I step into the store I immediately begin thinking "OMGee... Look at all this stuff I need!!  I need this and this and this- ooh look!  Girl you need this too!"  I swear Ulta is crack for me....

So yeah, one week down and week two to go!

Positivity in your environment is crucial.  I am soooo thankful for the people in my life that support my change in my lifestyle.  My mama #2 worked with me, helped me find recipes that are fast and easy for me to make on my own and she cooked all my main dishes for the next two weeks so that I won't get discouraged.  I would like to believe that when I told mama #1 that I am turning vegan that she started talking about how she is now doing tai chi at her senior apartment building and her church is starting up beginners yoga and she is super excited to go!  I'm encouraged to buy her a yoga mat so that she will stay motivated to keep going.  My older sister was helpful with trying to find substitutes for soul food.  We are working on how to make cornbread dressing without milk and eggs for the cornbread and we are still trying to figure out what is the cream in cream of celery and cream of chicken to see if it can be subbed.  My bestie is super encouraging.  She calls every morning to make sure Im up to workout and asks what I ate during the day.  This is needed.  I really appreciate the support I am receiving from my family and friend.  It makes it easier but at the same time it's intimidating because now.... All eyes are on me.  Lol!  That's fine though because I can now say this in confidence that I'm not doing it for them- I'm doing it for me! And only me.   Another thing that I experienced as self appreciation is I snuck to White Castle for the last time to eat those shit burgers one more time but the whole experience was horrible!  I'm soooo done with bad customer service and bad food at fast food restaurants.  As I drove away I became  disgusted that I paid someone to treat me like shit and kill me slowly with unhealthy fake food..  Ugh!

Let the transformation begin......

A late bloomer...

Hi! Infinityface here and it is nice to meet you!

It is 10:22pm on Oct 26 2014 and this is the very moment when I decide that I will no longer wait for the right time to do what I've always wanted to do -blog and vlog a journey of Me!  I have had one hell of a life so far and I am ready to take new turns and seek new adventures for my life.

I was once married for 6 years and I have a beautiful baby boy who is currently 8years old.  My marriage ended due to abuse and infidelity.  Being the person i am and the environment and love I received from my family i finally realized the strength and power i possessed and made the decision to leave for my son's and I well being.  I briefly stated that to say since being divorced i have suffered greatly from self esteem issues.  One thing I can say about my family is low self esteem didn't exist!  I've never- nor has any other woman in my family-  suffered from image and esteem issues. All while growing up I always heard how pretty I was from my family and their friends  I am a dark skinned black woman with meat on my bones and you couldn't- at the time- tell me that I wasn't  FINE!  lol

In any rate, I have been divorced for 4 years and I have now realized that the girl has let herself GO!  I am now 31 and I am ready to live life.  I'm ready for a social life! I ready to get out in Minneapolis and see what this city has to offer!  I'm ready to feel excited to wear new clothing without feeling fat and unattractive!  I am tired of feeling the way I am. I am also tired of the way I feel.  And you know what? I am also tired of being alone.  I haven't been on a date since I got married!!   Dammmmmnnnn G!!  10 years???  Yes girl, 10 years I have been out of the game.  Needless to say I am a nervous wreck when it comes to finding a mate.  (Sighs) It's funny cause I am a huge flirt but as soon as the conversation makes a turn into "unknown" territory, I become a big goof and start cracking jokes and doing weird stuff to,  I guess make myself less attractive.  Girl, I don't know.  But what I do know is I am ready to be the old me again.

Sooo.... As I stated I've always wanted to blog about my journey into let's just say..... Life.  I no longer want to live. I want a life. I want to laugh and more importantly I want a healthy life. I've wasted so many years pleasing people and never really did anything for myself.  So tonight i have made the decision to embark on the mission to make Infinityface happy!

 There are 4 areas in my life that I want to improve on
1. Want to be vegan- my family has such a great history of poor health and I have decided that the curse will stop with me!  One of my sisters said she broke the curse of my family having babies out of wedlock. So I believe this is my mission to stop poor health. I am the last generation.

2. Overall fitness- I will enlist a personal trainer to help me achieve my goal of ultimately entering in a woman's fitness competition.

3. Spirituality- my goal is to figure out this meditation and inner peace stuff so I can have a more balanced life. The goal is to have a balance mind body and soul.  If you think positive you'll have a positive life. You know, that stuff!  Lol.

4. And finally I want to focus more on my appearance. I have been reading this book called The Rules and years ago I read Kimora Lee's Fabulosity and apparently your image is everything when trying to make major moves.  Image improves your self esteem and increases your chances or attracting a mate... Go figure.  This whole time I thought it was my personality.


Please join me on this ride as I'm sure it will be a sho nuff roller coaster.  I will also begin vlogs on YouTube so you guys can have a visual.  This is gonna be fun!

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope I have inspired you to continue to check in on me and witness this late bloomer grow into a mighty and commanding flower.